DEAR ALIZARIN: Living Memories

This evening my mother and I tackled the much dreaded 'slides project:' viewing and judging the thousands of slides my father took of his young adult life, my parent's courtship, and the growth of our family.   I did not realize how difficult it would be to consolidate and select the slides we deemed worthy of transfer to CD-ROM, a gift my mom wants to provide for my sister and I to preserve the now more or less obsolete slides.  How do you select memories to discard and to save?   Moreover, how do you take the work of someone you loved and toss it in the trash, judge what is worth keeping and what is not?  

 

At times, the choice is easy and obvious:  too dark, too bright, too many of almost the same shot.   Sometimes there are people we simply do not know or like (i.e. the trip my parent's took shortly after their wedding with my father's ex and her husband -- ick!)  There are his friends, who were part of his life, but will I really miss them if not on the CD?   How much is this a part of my and my sister's history?    Out of exhaustion and frustration, one or the other of us would just say in or out in based on gut reaction.   My mother recorded the numbers; I worked the slides; thus we weeded and consolidated.   A few hours and few glasses of wine later, we reduced five trays to two and half. 

 

The most difficult choices for me were the at times stunning shots of landscapes and places visited, shots that were probably beautiful moments my father wanted to capture, but meant, really, nothing to my mother or me.  Usually we had no idea of the exact location.   Unlike with people shots, where we either knew who it was or didn't, where people were either in focus or out of focus, where they were in interesting poses or awkward angles, the beauty shots had no reference point.  Can we really pass on memories to others?     

 

Earlier in the day I was sharing my own photos from Costa Rica with my family.   My sister wanted to know where all the people pictures were.  (Of course, they are on the CD I cannot read -- how many times have I mentioned this and how disappointing is this?).  The two hundred some odd pictures mostly captured my own personal fascination of the jungle fauna and flora, of breathtaking moments on my hikes, fascinating foliage, of animals darting across the path, or of exotic bugs just hanging out on a leaf.  However, after an initial viewing of my vacation activities, who will ever give a damn about these pictures than me?  Even the people shots I cannot access, are they one time pictures to try to justify or brag about my vacation to family and friends?  Even myself, how often will I sit and relive this trip through the pictures?   In the end, I realize that it is all just for me, and thus, the activity of picture taking can be a reminder of the importance of living now for yourself.   Not living for yourself at the expense of others, but living for yourself for the benefit of living life fully, realizing the beauty each moment holds for you and capturing that, in image or in spirit, to carry with you and help live a life rich in vital and fulfilling memories.