DEAR ALIZARIN: A new salsa adventure

Went salsa dancing again down in Marina del Rey -- way out of my neighborhood, but close to my friend's home.  Knowing I will not run into anyone in the grocery store makes it easier to practice my salsa moves, which at this point  may look more like misstepping and general confusion than dancing. However, I am comforted to know that it is often not me. The more people I dance with, the more I learn the difference between a good leader and a bad one.   It is really amazing how good I am when I am dancing with someone who REALLY knows how to lead.  As I realize that the missteps and offbeats are as often as not the result of a bad lead, this also makes me more confident and more able to follow when I find someone who does know how to lead well.  

 

After two weeks, my friend and I have concluded that all men tend to fall into one of the following categories as revealed in their salsa techniques:

 

The father:  This man waits for you to make even the smallest of mistakes in order to completely stop the dance and start 'the lesson' so that you may benefit from his infinite wisdom and grace.  The tone of voice usually switches to that of a father trying to find patience to explain the obvious and simple to his 5-year-old daughter.   This is extremely annoying to say the least, as well as really boring and usually not very helpful.   When your mistake is due to bad leading, it can be downright infuriating.   The upside is that he will probably not ask you to dance again.

 

The John Travolta:  This guy thinks he has all the moves and is all about showing them off.  Unfortunately, he has only a vague clue how to lead and absolutely no awareness of your confusion as you can neither keep up with his offbeat moves nor the correct beat of the music as he flicks you around trying to achieve something that looks great in his imagination.  After a few minutes, you realize how you are no longer dancing, but just trying to retain any sense of compusre, which is nearly impossible as the humiliation and the fear that no one will ask you dance after this fiasco only intensifies the chaos that has overtaken your feet.

 

The Latin Lover:  Don't be fooled by the name, as this man may be of any ethnicity.  He thinks that all that lesson stuff is for wimps and nerds.  He just wants to let the ladies get close to him and has no need for things like counting or leading.  You should follow is lead and ignore all politeness and lead the dance to show off how disgusted you are by his abuse of salsa dancing.

 

The Twirler:  This partner does not believe you are dancing unless you are spinning.  He has not come to appreciate the beauty, the  flow, or the expressiveness of  'the basic.'

 

The Wrestler:  This guy likes to push and pull you as though you are gumby.   Usually this type is found in combination with one or several of the above.  Again, remember your own safety must come before politness and salsa protocol:  if your arm does not bend that way, do not follow. 

 

However, for each of these there is a skilled dance or someone who is on his way to being one (hey we all have to start somewhere) but has the humility to admit his shortcomings rather than adopting one of these not so effective disguises.   For this reason it is important for us ladies to give a few dances to the newbies even if means an entire dance of 'the basic.'  

 

In apology to what might seem like cruel categorizationg (but, if the shoe fits . . .), I owe my progress over these two nights of practice to each of these types as each has, in his own way, taught me how to be more confident in myself and in following my partner.   In short, salsa dancing it isn't so different than many relationships -- you let the man think he is in control as you silently make everything look easy and smooth.  Not that would I ever tolerate this philosophy in my relationships, but on the dance floor, it is nice to submit to the music and the flow without worries.  

 

Love,

Lychee