DEAR ALIZARIN: The world's cheapest date practicing hokey new-agey optimism

After one bottle of beer made by German nuns (or the bartender told me), I was very happy I opted for the lower heeled, more comfortable black shoes rather and the more trendy, higher healed brown shoes. In Costa Rica, I blamed it on being so close to the equator, but clearly, my alcohol tolerance has taken a sudden drop over the past several months (which could explain much of Belize . . .). The effect of this holy water disguised as beer was so strong it strengthened my resolve to take advantage of the fact that for once I did not have to drive home and to keep by promise that I would buy the second round for Grooveva, my loyal chauffeur for the night, and myself. It was a lovely, flavorful, but not too heavy Josefi Bock beer and it really knocked me out. I avoided embarrassment the rest of the evening by using short sentences to prevent slurring and by managing to not trip over the air blocking my path.

Grooveva kindly drove me home (I had planned to take the subway) and, upon arrival in my apartment I forced down a glass of water (knowing dehydration would soon follow) before undressing and lying in my oh- so comfortable bed to let the world spin and spin. Two beers. What is wrong with me! I apologize for misleading you in the title, as there was no actual date involved. Just the spinning room and me. During which I did contemplate the idea of Grooveva not being such a loyal chauffeur and having to find a handsome and gallant knight to take me home. Then, I passed out (well, fell asleep very quickly).

Therefore, given the beers and my low alcohol tolerance, maybe the rest of the evening was all an illusion. The scary thing about running into your past is that it may expose the truth that you are the same person you were the first time around. Last night, I had a spiritual collision with my own self from two years ago.

Hanging with Grooveva, the one person who has been able to balance friendships with me and the ex-boyfriend's (through whom we met) crowd in a manner at once open yet discreet, we ran into several from that crowd. All of us living within 10 miles of each other, it is amazing it took two years, a collision I no longer really avoided, but also did not encourage. Everyone exuded genuine goodwill and sincere pleasure in the chance meeting. One person gave me a sort of stilted hello and hug, then, a few minute later leaned over to admit, "I just want to say you look really fabulous and I totally didn't recognize you at first, so sorry I was kind of distant when you said hi." (That and being carded for the beer really, really made my week.) It was great to chat and catch up and verify that the past two years of my life and who I am now is not an illusion, but really exists.

But why now?

Lately, the universe has been throwing me the proverbial curve balls. Mostly I have caught them and thrown them back.

I had finally found my niche and routine in LA. While in Costa Rica, the thought of tearing myself from the blessings I have here filled me with a bit of anxiety. Was I actually getting rooted and attached? Not so fast, Lychee.

Sadly, many of my sources of sanctuary and fellowship are being shaken up and shaken down. People are leaving and tensions in groups arise as others deal with feelings of loss and abandonment by those who must move on. Not only have I found myself to be genuinely happy for these people who face new adventures in their lives, I also felt a sense of freedom in knowing that this is one less attachment I have to worry about breaking when/if my time to leave LA comes.

Finally, the physical collision: the car accident. Minding my own business in the far right lane, waiting for the next exit to get off the freeway, someone bounces into my car. I feel so lucky this happened. Statistically, driving in LA, I figure I am bound to be involved in an accident. This was it. No injuries. My car still runs. Moreover, shockingly, the damage is minimal. The insurance is paying for all of it. My rates will not go up. Got the accident done with and I got the message: do not be too attached to anything, tangible or intangible.

Life is short, jump into the fire, to very loosely paraphrase Rumi.

Time for more coffee and to get to work (yeah, I know I've been saying that all week!)

Lychee