I am Woman, Hear me Roar . . . with Laughter (a private exchange made public)

Alizarin to Lychee:
Here's a list of qualifications for a job I'm perusing -- tell me -- how in the HELL would you convince someone that you have this stuff? (And does this list make you laugh like it made me laugh?)

Lychee’s response (with the original list of qualifications):
Yup.

Qualifications:
• The ideal candidate will be entrepreneurial, resourceful and assertive.

Hire me or I will harass you with emails until the end of time! You found and applied for the job, how much more resourceful and assertive must you be?

• Excellent organizational, interpersonal, and communication skills are required.

Be sure to use paragraphs in your letter, have bullet points on your resume, and avoid slang and contractions in your letter (except when trying to display qualification #6).

• Intuitive business skills are necessary.

Hm. What does this mean? You must possess a brain? That is a lot to ask. Maybe it means you must not only possess a brain, but use it while at work so you can come to business-like conclusions without receiving a memo, such as painting your nails at the front desk is not appropriate and knowing how to answer the phone with something more than “Huh, what do you want?”

• Experience with electronic media and/or Journalism is a big plus and strongly encouraged.

You read many blogs, shop online, watch videos on that yahoo music site which is the only one my students do not seem to have a problem finding, and download all your music illegally.

• Proven track record of exceptional achievement and hard-work ethic are important.

You have managed to live in the same apartment in NYC for how many years without being evicted or having to take in a family of five.

• Knowledge of popular culture and deep understanding of their respective community, particularly of the 18 to 28 age group, is important. Ideal candidates will evince sensitivity to trends and ideas shaping and affecting that age group.

What is this wording? Clearly, they need to hold the clear communication standard higher: “popular culture and . . . their respective community”? Who the fuck is Popular Culture? I think all you need to know here is that ‘P. Diddy’ is too complicated a name for Pop Culture (we are good friends like that) and her/his (I have not had the nerve to ask and it is unclear, poor thing) respective community to deal with. It is a tough road they have to haul and you must be understanding that grasping the idea that P.Diddy is a full name that some old man made up to give the illusion of being cool and hip and to always have a fall back reason for some media attention is overwhelming when having to decide if the Gap or Banana Republic is cooler this week, or can I pass of the Old Navy top as hip if I match it with Banana Republic pants? (Yes, I obviously, by that last statement, am not qualified for this job).

• Candidates must demonstrate passion, exceptional hard-work ethic, and a desire to dedicate themselves to this extremely rewarding and important job.

LMAO. Because everything about Popular Culture, his/her respective community, and 18-28 year-olds is important and rewarding. This was undoubtedly written by a passionate (for the one-night stand he/she has last night), self-important 18-28 year old whose work ethic involved writing this ad with a hangover.