DEAR ALIZARIN: I have witnesses

Well, my dear, with the school year coming to an end and holiday parties on the rise, I decided to take the opportunity to make a more concerted effort into meeting single men in LA. Yes, blaming it on this city is a lame excuse, so, I've been out, lipstick and all, as you suggested.

After parties and bars for the last two weekends, looking fabulous, there just are no single men in LA. Not one. If there were any men at any of these events, they were all either with their spouse/significant other or gay (and even then, not available). The string quartet our choir director hired for the Christmas concert was from the YOUTH symphony and the tenor were all too old. The tenor soloist was a prima donna with a beautiful voice but no manners. Even the party hosted by a single (well, he has a girlfriend) male colleague had no single men there.

I even hit one of the hippest music/comedy clubs in LA with Grooveva, who met her latests beau online, and even with her expert wingwoman skills, we couldn't find any eligible bachelors. Well, there was the guitarist she had a fling with, but it is just a bit creepy to pick up on guys your friends already had flings with.

Finally, my cousin's Hollywood holiday party. She's lived here for over ten years, so surely she must know some single guys. Nope. Not one. At least here I did have a lovely chat with another English teacher, an administrator for a neurosurgeon, a screenwriter rep and an actress. There I have Lalalaleyla as my witness.

So, just wanted to let you know I take your advice to heart, and, though I am having a fabulous time celebrating the holidays, romance remains elusive.