Outing Hollywood's Biggest Secret

All hikes in LA are not created equal.

Wanting to go on a quick hike, not too far from home, by my self, I
decided to venture up the hill to Runyon Canyon. When I mention
hiking in LA to folks at bars and parties, more often than not they
will refer to Runyon Canyon and express surprise that I have never
been there. Ironic since it is probably the closest park to my house
among the many hiking trails along Muholland Dr.

I throw on my homemade cotton drawstring pants, a t-shirt and my
baseball cap and head on up the trail. For the first time in a long
time in LA I felt completely overdressed. Though not overdressed as
in when I used to wear my NY togs out on the town of LA; rather
overdressed as in covering too much skin. I had clearly wandered
onto the West Hollywood pick-up trail. It was more about being seen
(and strutting undersized dogs that really should not be hiking up
such hills with such disturbingly tiny legs). Almost all the men
were topless and the women had on sports bras and short shorts that
would make Daisy Duke proud. I passed one other woman with normal
amounts of clothing on, but she had a hairless rat-dog which I guess
made her one of THEM.

Most the hike is on a paved road (I started from the top, so saved
the workout for the walk back) through what seems to be some
backyards. The scenery is bland and all the people did nothing to
compliment the minimal nature on this hike. And the further down
the hill I got, the more naked and the more unfriendly people
became. I felt myself become more and more transparent, as I often
am at Hollywood parties. Finally, heading up, I had the distraction
of the rigorous exercise to tune out the annoying people. I did take
a breather at the sign that proclaimed Runyon Canyon one of
Hollywood's best kept secrets. I glanced around at the mobs of gay
men and their girlfriends talking about their latest auditions and
realized exactly what this indicated about Hollywood's ability to
keep a secret. I am glad I never shared mine with her.

I continued on and took a detour loop to the exit, where I crossed
paths with what I assume to be a few other strays from the Valley
side of the hill. The smiled and nodded hello. I longed for the
serenity and community of Griffith Park trails and the real hikers
with whom I share that beauty. Now, when I meet 'hikers' who swear
by Runyon Canyon, I will know they are the same people who probably
refuse to drive north of Muholland Drive for fear of ruining their
reputation. Or hairdo. Who knows. I'll leave Runyon Canyon to the
miniature dog walkers and 24-fitness bodies who want to put
themselves on display 'in nature, ' that way I can have my Griffith
Park and Laurel Canyon for without the gloss of Hollywood.