Notes from school

1. Schools should work to reduce unnecessary distractions from the
classroom. Such as not numbering books with 69 or 420. It is like
a trigger, once set in motion, is hard to settle down.

2. Note to anyone who is a parent. Do not show up, unannounced,
expecting a conference about your child's failing grade in my class
two weeks before graduation, with one week of teaching days left.
Especially do not do this when you have received three progress
reports with an F, when your child has been absent for 21 of 75
school days, and when this same student has 13 missing assignments.
The only answer to your inane question for me to give him some work
to pass the class is a big, fat, unwavering NO. I don't care that
you put him on a daily (a paper that is signed by each teacher and
must be turned into the dean's office each day) for the past two
weeks and he has 'improved' simply because he has show up for an
entire week.

3. Note to student: then, on that same afternoon, do not post
plagiarized assignments. Seriously. As if I am not going to notice
how your vocabulary has increased about five levels and your
sentences are suddenly error free since the one paper you did turn
in. Go explain that one to mom. And think how today I gave you
kudos for responding, "You don't have to be sorry, Miss" when I
apologized to your mother! Ha! Now I know what you really meant.

4. Don't ever mention any personal plans you have in class unless you
want to hear all sort of wild imaginings about your life (though, I
must say, they often sound more exciting than what I actually have
planned). So, going out with an out-of-town friend on Thursday turns
into a date with the teacher across the hall, or better yet, one with
my "Sancho" which, I learned, means the "second boyfriend." After
a few minutes, I led them in some yoga breathing to get them to
settle down. Now, if only they could put all that energy and
imagination into their writing and reading. Now my girls want to
come in at nutrition to do my hair. I am scared and may try to get
out of it without hurting their feelings.

5. Does my assistant principal poking his head in and waving,
literally, count as an observation, something they have to do a
certain number of hours per week according to their job descriptions?