Declaration of innocence of conservatism

Conservative. Somewhere in my quickly passing years, the definition
changed. I always thought this meant someone who is resistant to
change and upholds the status quo, someone who is a non-progressive
thinker and reactionary, someone who wants to hold on to traditions
at the expense of the rights and freedom of others. Now, somehow, it
means someone like me. For the third time in too short a time, a
person has described me as conservative. Conservative! It feels a
bit like being punched in the gut, a moment of denial, "Whom are we
talking about?" Conservative? I try to see myself from their
perspective and, while I do not walk around in mini-skirts and
plunging neck lines becoming inebriated and promoting anarchy (all of
which I might have done at some point in my life though never all at
the same time), I am outraged and insulted, deeply, deeply insulted,
that anyone, especially a friend, would describe me as such.

Is there really a vibe that I emit that screams CONSERVATIVE? Or, is
it the definition that has morphed into something that could be use
to describe me? What exactly is conservative or liberal? A look, a
philosophy, an attitude?

Perhaps it is because I go to church. Yet, I go to a church that
accepts people of all races and sexual preferences and ages, where
talk at coffee hour often delves into off-color stories of our non-
churchy escapade, where conservative policies to oppress the poor and
needy are fought with love and charity. Is that any more
conservative than the atheists and agnostics who worship their ipods,
Razors, Minis, and SUVs, all which cannot leave their sides as they
shop for overpriced produce at Whole Foods?

Perhaps it is because I dress to be (while still trying to look like
I am of the current year) comfortable and to feel like me, not to fit
some image of Betty Page or JLo or Gwen Stefani. Isn't conformity
to an unrealistic standards of beauty (and materialism to support it)
and a style that is stolen from someone else the truer expression of
conservatism? Doesn't holding me to a standard of non-conformity
constitute conformity?

I don't bump and grind with strangers at dance clubs or have one-
night-stands. Is my belief in self-respect and my value of self-
esteem (as well as health and hygiene and safety) a mark of
conservatism or a mark of responsibility and self-worth? I prefer
a classy and easy-going salsa club or a quiet party at home or a
weekend in the desert to the cocaine-snorting Hollywood scene,
probably with a parking lot full of Hummers (yeah, that is really
showing it to the conservatives).

I don't subscribe to cable and live within my means. Is it my
ignorance of all that liberating pop-culture and bling-bling that
makes me so conservative? I am sure, if only I watched more episodes
of Top Model (an inspiring example of the infiltration of feminism)
or American Idol or Survivor (heartwarming examples of how to enact
liberal and democratic ideals in society starting with interpersonal
relationships) or, better yet, maybe a little bit of the Sopranos and
Nip/Tuck, because the mafia and plastic surgery are THE cutting-edge
propagators of liberalism.

Conservatism: resistance to change and adherence to traditions.
Change is the constant in my life. Traditions ground me to what is
valuable and what strengthens me so that I may embrace change, or,
when needed, instigate it.

Perhaps it is my seeming stillness in change, just as the quiet
breathing of a yogi appears passive, static, inactive when in
reality, each breath recreates life giving birth to that moment.