Inverting Approaches

"Poses have benefits?"

"Of course, that is the whole point and beauty of yoga."

And lessons exist in each pose.

Yesterday, moving from a lunge, placing my back foot down,
straightening the bent front leg, extending my arm across my body
and, like an arm on a clock, rotating that arm around forming a
series of triangles with my body -- between my torso, arm and leg;
between my legs and the floor; between my other arm and torso and an
imaginary line. Then, we lift up, rotate the feet 180 degrees and
move into the mirror image of this pose from standing. It feels
awkward from this direction, my body closes and resists until I focus
and breath deeply.

The tension is also from the transition of old and new ways of
relating to others. I react physically to innocent words of new
people that evoke the lies and betrayals of people of the past. My
approach-- an oxymoron of controlling independence and self-
sacrificing accommodation -- did not work last time, though familiar
and comfortable, knowing my position and required movements. Moving
into what I want from a new direction, my body tenses, it is out of
its element, but I know, eventually, I will get to a new point of
understanding, openness, to a point where the benefits of the pose
will blossom even further than I knew possible.

Today, I placed my forearms on the floor, hands clasped, looking down
at my mat. Faithfully walking my hips over my shoulders, I lifted
one leg, pushed off with the other until I felt one and then the
other heel touch the wall. Forearm stand on the first try, pose I
did once with help a year ago. "Now, we will do one handstand, a
counterpose for the elbows." Handstands. I remember over a year
ago believing I would never do one. It was no longer so important,
but today, I had the nerve to ask for help, just to stand and make
sure I don't fall on my head. I try once and my instructor gives me
a few corrections, an objective view point of where I am in line,
where I am off balance. I focus, and again feel one heel and then
the other against the wall. "Squeeze in your elbows" and suddenly, I
am there, on my hands.

I am that strong. Amazed, focused, muscles engaged in holding up
my weight, head dangling, I finally relax. Stronger than I think I
am, maybe even more ready that I think I am.