Black Rain

Suddenly, my sanctuary becomes my prison.

I may have chosen not to dive into that pool of darkness, so it
transformed into a cloud to rain upon me.

I put all of myself into these four walls, a home, a retreat. The
pairs of candles, pictures, origami swans, all exactly as they should
be. Yet, the most important thing is missing and slipping further
and further away. I can't find the traction to hold on any more. I
slip in the black rain.

Judged and condemned without a say in any of it. The ultimate test
in surrender and instead I find myself caught. Better to judge first
than be judged and tossed aside, like so many times before. He
learned the game well. I did not.

Still, we both are suffering.

I surrender to the downpour, waiting for the sun to come, for the
sentence to be lifted. For pardoning of the judge and judged.