Swirling down the drain

After a very long sweltering bath, my heart beating rapidly from
soaking in the heated lavender and ginger water, an attempt to sweat
out what feels like an oncoming cold that will thwart my date
tomorrow with my new toy (the snowboard, for you gutter-minded
folks), I stood watching the water swirl down the drain remembering a
childhood fear after bath of not getting out soon enough and sliding
down the drain with the bath water. Where this irrational thought
entered my head, I never knew, until today, I recalled scenes from
"What the Bleep do We Know?" (really, how many more references must I
make before you watch this film?). I wondered, was there a wisdom
in the innocence of childhood about the unity of all, the effects of
thoughts upon water and our essence being the same as water, the same
as air, a part of the universe . . . a part of me that knew, if some
way, it really was possible I could side down that drain as easily as
each drop of water, dissolving into oneness.

Like falling in love. Maybe people fear love like I feared the
abyss of that drain. Just as going down the drain would require my
transformation, so love requires us to transform ourselves. I chose
to follow what I was about how the world functions, clinging to the
familiar, not matter how limiting. Likewise, we often cling to what
we know of the world, what makes sense in our experience, even if
ultimately unfulfilling, rather than risking losing what we know for
something blissful and beautiful. We cannot let go of our either-or
thinking, of the dichotomies that we use to make order of the
world. Commitment versus freedom, for instance. Can there not be
freedom in committing, freedom in trusting another so complete that
we can finally be who we are without fear of judgment or rejection?
In committing, can we not find freedom from denial or freedom from
longing? Even if i did liquify and float down the drain, wouldn't
my essence remain in some form, never leaving. When will realize
that it is impossible to lose ourselves once we learn to listen to
our soul, to accept the gifts the universe provides to us each
moment, and to love ourselves so we may love others?

In a moment, the water was gone, leaving only me, water in human
form, with droplets of bathwater on my body and droplets of sweat on
my brow. I drank more water then washed my hair, ironically sweated
and dehydrated from the long, steamy bath, continuing the cycle of
give and take.